Wow, it’s been a L-O-N-G time since I’ve written anything on my own blog. I guess I’ve been spending too much time reading other blogs, novels, Facebook…anything, even the cereal box!
I’m heading into the homestretch to the end of summer “vacation” before going back to school on August 18. Three more weeks of bliss…or trying to get my act together.
This summer has turned out to be one that I was not expecting at all. Oh, a few things I expected-the trip to Europe, the family vacation, lots of time with grandkids-but definitely not sinking slowly into the pit of depression.
And maybe that is why it’s a deeper hole than I’ve experienced in a few years…because it was unexpected. I always know the “black dog” is lurking in the background. I can’t escape it no matter how many tricks I have up my sleeve to keep it out of sight. A few times a year, especially with seasons changing and the crappy SAD of winter, I KNOW it’s coming and am prepared. Usually only is with me for a few days.
Summer has normally been a time of excitement and enjoyment and enlightenment and energy. Lots of good “e” words. This summer, especially the month of July, the most I’ve been able to muster is ‘meh’ or ‘blah’ with little glimpses of joy each day. I have even had a couple days of peace and but not any in a row. For those moments of grace I have been extremely grateful.
The one thing that I’ve learned about this insidious disorder named bipolar is that no matter how much one plans for the expected depression or hypomaniac episodes, they still happen, sometimes with a bang and sometimes slowly seeping in until the symptoms overwhelm me. I guess that is what makes life interesting, huh?
So anyway, the rest of vacation will include a whole lot of self-care, trying to trick my brain into stopping the incessant negative chatter long enough for the peace to whisper it’s way through the recesses until it overtakes the darkness and I can hear the music, see the glorious majesty, taste the happiness, and feel the joy of life again.